I had my day all planned out.
I was going to finish writing an article I had put on the back burner for fear of promoting it.
Which isn’t saying much.
Yes, some articles are tougher to promote than others, but I hate promoting articles, period. Which is why it took me a year to do so.
But this article was different. My intention was to share everything you need to know before starting the ketogenic diet and then see if anyone clicked on my e-mail course called “6 Keto Mistakes That Are Stopping Your Success.”
Feeling proud of myself for structuring my writing around my freelance jobs, I sat down to write.
Unfortunately, my thoughts were more active than usual.
Soon I was convinced my article wouldn’t be helpful unless I wrote an outline first. Up to this point, outlines have been the bane of my existence.
So I set out to find information on creating awesome outlines, determined to master my outline craft, and I came across this: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/how-to-write-outline/
It was super helpful to future Natalie. I can’t wait to reach a point mentally where I can put all her advice into practice. Truly great stuff.
But current Natalie, the fact that she couldn’t write amazing outlines for articles made her want to give up for the day. Which stressed her out even more because she has two freelance jobs coming her way tomorrow.
All my articles up to this point have been written with no outline or system. If someone ever asked me for writing advice, I’d have no idea how to articulate my writing process.
But one word does come to mind: chaotic.
Somehow I manage to edit my chaos and piece it together and publish a decent article.
But today my thoughts are overwhelming me.
I’m afraid if I don’t write my thoughts fast enough, they’ll sink into the abyss, gone forever and helping no one.
I have so many articles I want to release into the world, but I’m overwhelmed by the smallest detours. I have to admit that maybe Gary Vee’s “You need to make 100 pieces of content a day” isn’t what’s best for me right now. If ever.
So yeah, detours that overwhelm me and keep me from writing articles at the pace I would prefer:
“What picture would be best for this article?
What title will make people want to click?
Oh, god, what if people click?
What subtitle flows with my title?
What are the five best tags to use?
Did I use too many adverbs? (Currently reading Stephen King’s ‘On Writing.’)
Will someone be offended by my use of curse words?
Will this be the time Mom finds my Medium and guilt-trips me into never writing again?
Did I pick the right topic to be chosen for curation?
I’m constantly getting in my own way, and I’m exhausted by noon.
I always hear “write for your reader.” And I get it. It’s great advice for most people. But I’m not most people. For me, that advice was a mindfuck.
“Shit. I thought I always wrote for my reader. Am I not writing for my reader?!”
Now I’m second-guessing life, and my thoughts are spiraling and I just took two dropperfuls of CBD oil.
How I wish marijuana was legal in Texas because then it could be regulated. Then I could know how much CBD oil I actually need and I could stop wondering if it actually works for me or if it’s just a placebo effect. And I could have spoken up and felt safe to share my thoughts when some pharmacist friends of mine were sharing their opinions.
As someone who deals with stress-induced epilepsy, I’d like to know that what I’m taking is not only safe but actually working.
My doctor prescribed Valium for me to keep on hand as needed, but my body just doesn’t do well on those medications.
I’ll put a pin in the time Keppra gave me suicidal thoughts.
Right now, my fingers can’t keep up with my brain and when I go to write a word, it comes out three words in one.
I’ve never been diagnosed with ADD, but my neurological condition makes me think I might have it. Some days it’s fine and I have laser focus. Other days it’s constant thoughts strung together, like one long-ass movie playing in my head.
Which is why I need to write.
Unfortunately, I’ve already changed topics at least 10 times by now, and that doesn’t lend itself to a concise, structured article.
Which reminds me. I think I’m spending too much time reading Medium articles and it’s causing me to second-guess things more than usual. This was brought to my attention by my observant husband, Jason. He used to always find me playing Words with Friends when I had any downtime. Now he’ll find me on our bed, winding down for the night with some light topics such as existentialism, family trauma, and death.
I’ll make a guilty face and joke that I’m looking at porn, and he’ll be like, “Please, you’re reading Medium articles.”
So for the foreseeable future, I’ll be consuming less and creating more. Instead of writing with a new objective for each article, I have one objective for every article until otherwise stated: Write To Process Shit.
My previous articles were written after I processed my feelings. I did this to make sure I could write it from a helpful perspective.
Don’t get me wrong, I hope so much that sharing my struggles helps you. Nothing would make me happier. But apparently writing with that objective in mind has created quite the barrier for me.
So instead, I’ll be breaking all the “rules” when it comes to writing articles and, therefore, will be foregoing any chance of curation.
But I’ll probably still check the “curation” box out of sheer curiosity.
Because what a great article that would make.
Ugh. There I go again.
Welcome to Downtown Overthinking Territory. Population: Me.
Writing is my oxygen. I feel like I’m being suffocated when I’m forced to sit with my thoughts, no keyboard or pen nearby.
Sometimes I have so much I want to write that I end up not writing at all thanks to paralyzing overwhelm and a fear of not reaching the unattainable bar I’ve set for myself.
It doesn’t even matter that I know it’s not attainable. My brain is still like: challenge accepted. Which would be fine if it came without the overwhelm.
I guess it’s good to know that my stubbornness could come in handy as I wade into entrepreneurial waters.
Anyway, it’s nothing short of amazing that I’ve written and published over 20 articles in a year, that I’ve been able to ignore the voices telling me to shut up and deal with things privately.
But for now, I’ll be writing in a different way. No eye-catching pictures or clickbaity titles. No obsessing over correct grammar and punctuation.
My plan is to write whatever is on my mind and publish whatever I’ve written before I get up from my chair and end my writing session.
So don’t mind me. I’ll just be over here working through my issues on a public platform, documenting my life to stay sane.
I have to write — and publish — to make sense of the world.
Am I the only one who has these thoughts? I’d love to hear from you. Leave me a comment down below.
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*Due to overwhelming self-doubt, regularly scheduled emails are not guaranteed. But don’t you want to maybe get something occasionally?
